Joyfull Living

Many New Year Resolutions run along the same lines.  We strive to eat better, lose weight, form better habits and use our time more wisely.  Here are a few funny accounts of those New Year resolutions: Starting the Diet :  My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.  "Good!" I exclaimed. "I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first."  "Great!" she replied. "I’ll ride with you." Eating Healthier: The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. "The Lord heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat!’ " she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, or ten or twenty days, but for a month—until you loathe it." ...

What's beating in your heart?  I loved the end of this!!  Have a great weekend.

I loved this!!  This is a (suposedly) true account as recorded in the Police Log ofSarasota, Florida... An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why... For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat! A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove t...

This came through an email recently and was too cute not to share! Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he contacted the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.  'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what...

I received this cute email this week!  It is Angel's explained by children! I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold. Gregory, age 5 Everybody's got it all wrong.. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it -Olive, age 9 It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes. -Matthew, age 9 Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else. -Mitchell, age 7 My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science. -Henry, age 8 Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!! -Jack, age 6 Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead. Daniel, age 9 When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets...

A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. It is frequently used for humourous or dramatic effect.  Here are a few cute examples: Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.  The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.  Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that ...

I will probably date myself with this one, but I loved Mikey!!  Still to this day reference him when someone will eat anything...my kids though haven't a clue what I'm talking about!

A good friend sent to me this week in an email and I thought it was too cute not to share!  Since I was born and raised in the south, this could be some of my kin folk!! Sorry it is a bit blurry, don’t squint too hard, just look at the pictures! Have a great weekend!

This came through my email this week and was one of the cutest I have seen in a while!  How twins are made... so this is how they do it... One of life's great mysteries solved. (Only twenty years ago, no one would have understood this joke!)

A friend sent this to me this week in an email and although it’s not technically a “funny”, I loved the graphics and the adorable way some great ways to ‘shape up’ were shared!  1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day. 'This is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.' Psalms 118:24 2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. 'The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.' I Samuel 16:7   3. Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. 'He who guards his lips guards his soul.' Proverbs 13:3   4. Stand Up!! . . . for what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. 'Let us not be weary in doi...

A friend sent an email to me entitled:  ”My Owner Is An Idiot”.    I don’t think I would go this far to dress up my animal, but there are some original and cute ideas here!    

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws  and roar. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." Six-year old Angie , and her four-year old brother, Joel ,were sittin...

I recently received an email from a friend to share for today's Friday Funnies.  It contains a few things that only the girls will understand!  PREGNANCY Question and Answer: Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word "alimony" means any...

You gotta chuckle at some of the things that may happen as we age!!: Lost in the Strangest Places ~ An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator! " she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." Family ~ Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses as she wonders, "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old ...

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.   Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.   Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota . Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survi...