Monday, March 16, 2009

At the Well - Friendships With Our Husbands

Today's At the Well topic is about Friendships With Our Husbands. Of course we love our husbands ... we do their laundry, we cook their meals, we clean up after them, we know what they like and don't like and we try to keep them happy, we kiss them good-bye as they go to work and we kiss them good-night before they go to sleep... but are we friends with them?

Discussion Questions:
  • What other scriptures did you find pertaining to friendship?
  • How do those scriptures relate to your marriage?
  • What are some ways you die to self in your marriage?
  • Do you have any ideas as to how we can develop a deeper physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy with our husbands?
  • How do you sharpen your husbands countenance?

What does the Bible say about friendship?

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..."
Proverbs 18:24 "A man who has friends must himself be friendly..."
John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

There are many more verses on friendship, but these few bring out some great points for the topic today.

In marriage, if we are to be friends with our husbands, we must love them at all times. When they are grumpy or when they are tired and irritable it is easy to treat them with impatience or answer with a unkind attitude. But, these are the times when it is crucial to love.

A friend must be friendly - first. We have all seen the type of people who never speak to others, never smile at others or try to be kind or friendly and then they complain that they have no friends. A smile or kind word or deed goes a long way to show ourselves friendly to others, especially at home.

The greatest love is displayed by laying down one's life for another. Jesus laid His life down for us - what an example of true love. One way of laying down one's life is to put the needs of others before yourself. This portrays to the other person that they are important and loved.

What are some ways we die to self in our marriage? Thinking of the other party first. In my life I have found that my flesh screams out for attention! I want it MY way, I want to do MY thing and I want MY words to be heard. It is a struggle to defer and put others first, but by asking the Lord to help me and allowing the Holy Spirit to remind me how to do this, it can become a habit to seek the other person's good. It begins with training ourselves to think of the other person - our husband in this case. Do we really need to say "all that"? Will those words be hurtful or encouraging? Make the best choice. In most cases, women find a way to do the things they want to do. Shopping, manicures, exercise etc., we make time. When the dear husband is free, make it a habit to do what he wants to do. Practice thinking a step ahead for him. When he comes home, does he like the house in order, dinner being prepared, kids calm and controlled, distractions to a minimum? Go ahead and take the steps needed to make him happy. It will be worth it!!

Friends love to be with one another. We can make sure our husbands needs are met and then enjoy him. What do you like to do together? Do it! Relax and enjoy him for who he is. Listen closely and make it a game to learn new things about him.

Praying for our husbands opens our heart for a deeper love, gratitude and intimacy with them. There are many resources available on how to pray for our husbands. The practice of praying for our husbands not only does them a world of good, it does us good also.

Sharpening our husband's countenance can be done by giving them what they need. The Bible urges wives to "reverence or respect the husband" in Ephesians 5:33 Every man desires respect. Every woman desires to be loved. It is a give and take process. Don't hold back respect, but speak highly of him to others, never critically. Never belittle him or his decisions. Disagreements can be discussed rationally, but belittling or open disrespect cuts to his heart.
One final way to sharpen his countenance is to be "predictably happy". Women can be moody and/or emotional!! That can cause confusion for the husband if he never knows what his wife will be like when he comes home. Will she be grouchy, crying, irritable? If we make it a practice to be "predictably happy", it will help to bring a contentment and joy to him for his return home each day.

It has been said that our husbands are the highest human priority we have. Our relationship with God should be first and then followed by the relationship with our husband. Any friendship involves time, effort and giving of ourselves. Invest in this friendship with the man God chose for you, the rewards and benefits will last forever.


  1. I really enjoyed your post - so many great ideas. You really "got me" on the thought of being "predictably happy" goodness. Does my hubbie come home assuming I will be...or expecting me to be happy - or moody (again)!?! Something I will think about this week....thanks.

    Have a great week - Jennifer

  2. Great post! I agree with Jennifer that I need to think of how I would want my husband to love to be at home then with another moody wife. Thankfully, my husband has been very forgiving and tender with me going through things lately.

  3. Very excellent points made! I loved the part about praying for our true! Great post.

  4. Love the pst.The choosen verses are so clear....
    I experience the two way working of prayer in my marriage...
    The tip to practice to think a step ahead i will take to heart.



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