October is recognized as the National Pregnancy Loss Month and last week, I shared that miscarriage has affected our family multiple times. In this post, I will share a few details about our first miscarriage. This isn't like the usual joyful post that is on the blog, but it is a part of real life. Real life sometimes is filled with pain, sorrow and loss. There are tunnels of trials we must sometimes go through, but there is always light at the end. Trials come and go, weave in and out of our lives, but in the midst of them all, God is able to hold us and keep us.
When our older boys were very young, 5 and 2, we found out we were expecting again. A home test was taken and showed the positive result. A short time later, I began spotting. My sister in law was pregnant and on one of her prenatal visits, I went with her and was able to see the doctor who confirmed my pregnancy, said everything looked fine, but to call if there were any complications.
A few days later, as we were getting ready for bed, I began cramping. Since the doctor said to call if there were any changes, I called the answering service and he called back. I told him about the cramping and he asked.."What do you want me to do?" This was a brand new experience for me as the other 2 pregnancies were perfect with no complications. I didn't know what to answer, didn't know what was going on, he had said to call if anything happened, and I was calling. He told me there was nothing he could do, if I was miscarrying, it would happen naturally and to make an appointment in a few days.
This pregnancy ended in miscarriage and our options were to do a D & C procedure or simply allow the miscarriage to proceed naturally. Since it was so early, we opted for the natural option. A few days later everything was well physically. It was a different story emotionally. Since this happened so early, we didn't have a chance to soak in the fact of another child coming into our lives. We had just told our families but in a blink, everything changed and was now gone.
Honestly, this happened so soon and so fast, we didn't grieve very long, it was almost surreal, like a pregnancy happened, but was gone in an instant. But as only a mother can know, a life was created and nurtured for those few weeks, A little heart begins to beat within days, so there is an angel baby in heaven that belongs to our family.
The loss of a child stays with a family forever, but the emotional and physical impacts are often challenging to others to truly understand. Having support through grief is paramount to recovery. Raising awareness is the first step to accessing available help. By sharing our experience, perhaps comfort and hope can be shared. One in four women faces a loss due to miscarriage. May we be bold enough to share when it happens and compassionate enough to reach out to comfort others.