Sunday, September 11, 2011

Marriage Monday - It's Not Just Talk

Today's Marriage Monday's topic is "Communication".  A pretty hot topic for marriage huh?  We all know men and women communicate differently and that it brings clarity and better understanding if we study these differences. Normally, women are known to be 'talkers'.  They love to share emotion, thoughts, desires and long for connection.  Men seem to like to talk less and are perfectly satisfied to receive only the point of the matter - the cold facts!

Here are a five quick differences:

1. Women’s brains are always “on.” There is more neural activity in the female brain at any given time than in the male brain.

2. Men just want the facts.  Men usually ask fewer questions to stimulate conversation in their work relationships and often end conversations more abruptly than women.

3. Women focus on friendship first. Women tend to build relationships when they sell. They don’t tend to go into a transaction focused on the final outcome but wanting to build rapport and learn more about others first.

4. Men take it one task at a time. Men  like to focus on one task at a time, whereas women’s brains are more geared to multitask.

5. Women remember the little details. Females can generally remember more physical and relational details than men.

But these differences are pretty general.  In our own marriages, our mate has his own style of communication.  Communications embraces more that 'talking'.  It encompasses listening, hearing and understanding what is meant, sometimes looking beyond the words to the feeling of the heart (purely a woman's point of view!!).  At my home, I've learned that a comment about something as simple as a chore (i.e. a cobweb in the corner) which means very little to me, means much more to my husband if he mentions it. It means that it is really bothering him.  Since he overlooks a lot in that area, when it is mentioned, I take action! 

How we individually look at and interpret things is another important aspect of communication.  My mind works in black and white.  It is what it is, if someone says something, I picture it in my mind and imagine myself there.  My husband explores deeply and thoughtfully over many things and verbalizes them.  Through the years, a major purchase or decision would be mentioned - perhaps a new car.  My mind was picturing the mentioned car in the driveway with me in the driver's seat.  My husband was simply thinking outloud about this car and analyzing the pros and cons...gas mileage, engine life etc!  This used to drive me crazy since major decisions would have my mind in and out of a dozen situations!  But I've learned to appreciate the value of not making rash decisions and allowing him to verbalize his thoughts and the freedom to think, ponder and talk things out.

Communication is a vital aspect in marriage.  It can bring joy and great blessing, or it can make many conversations miserable as we try to decipher what was said and how it was meant.  Good communication takes practice, kindness, self control and unselfish time!  But as we learn to better communicate with our mate, our hearts are joined closer together. 

The greatest tool in communication is prayer.  As we pray for our husbands and our selves, God's love flows from heart to heart and our minds are ready to extend His grace and love. There is no way to misread that!!  Will you join me this week in making greater communication a priority?  To pray more, listen more and talk less?  To listen deeply and prayerfully meet the needs that can be uncovered with God's wisdom and guidance.  It will be a step to make the home and husband have a great week!!


  1. I love the list... I needed to be reminded of the list.

    I was the same way when we bought our first home. Immediately, I was putting furniture in place and deciding colors. It would have caused tension if our Christian realtor hadn't discussed with us the different way men and women face decision making.

  2. Yup, agree with the list. Also agree that we can't just stick with it but get to know our mates personal flare. I have come to learn my husband really wants me to be open with my emotions because he knows I need that. I came into the marriage assuming men don't care one bit about all that going on in a womans heart. Oh I love him the more I get to know him and communication is a big way to do that as you said:)

  3. What a great post with so many truths! I can relate and agree with so much here. Thanks for visiting my place and leaving your kind words.

    God bless!

  4. You've shared so many wise thoughts, Joyfull. I would say "Ditto" to all of it. It sounds like you've really learned your DH's personal communication style, and you're running with it. Bravo!

    I especially appreciate your encouragement to pray and listen more.

    Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, as always.

    Blessings, e-Mom ღ

  5. Good words - prayer is so vital - if our communication with the Lord is off then all else is off balance. Thanks for your post.

  6. Great list and FINALLY!! someone mentioned PRAYER....YAY for that! :)

  7. Exactly, women love to discuss all the details while men just want the facts! So many women out there end up wanting for longer talks. I was one before but thanks to the book Men from Mars, Women from Venus by John Gray that I was able to understand this major difference between men and women in terms of communication.
    Thanks for visiting my post.

  8. Talking about prayer is so vital. Thank you for bringing that up! Learning what your style is can make a big difference. Great post! Your blog is so pretty. :)

  9. Thank you for stopping by my blog and for your kind words!

    I agree about KINDNESS. I think that good communication also involves vulnerability. We are willing to overlook certain things because we are extending kindness as well as grace. Some times, my husband will say something that has a tone of harshness to it (remember that I said he's a "straight shooter"?) My first reaction is to get my feelings hurt but if I stop and take a deep breath, God reminds me of something. He reminds me of my husband's Godly character, his usual selflessness and his love in action. So many times, it just rolls right off of me because I know that in the large scheme of things, this is not his usual demeanor. Men do process things differently that women. It doesn't make them wrong, just different. The smart wife appreciates those differences!

  10. My husband and I communicate so differently. Don and Katie Fortune"s "Discover your Spiritual Gifts" (especially the couples version) details how those gifts talk to each other. It enabled each of us to see our communication needs and ensure each of us was being "communication" fulfilled.

    I am learning to listen more:) It's so hard when I want to COMMUNICATE all the time! LOL


Thank you for sharing your commment. It is a joy and blessing to hear from you and your words are appreciated.