Marriage Monday offers topics for marriage that challenge hearts and minds and cause to search deeply within the heart. This week's topic is Infertility, Miscarriage or Adoption and the effect that it has on a marriage. Our marriage has been blessed with three sons, but there was also the struggle of three miscarriages. These were difficult times to go through, but, with God's faithfulness, and grace, He mended our hearts and strengthened our marriage through this.
It is a known fact that men and women grieve differently. A woman feels the pain of a miscarriage differently than a man. However soon after conception, a miscarriage occurs, a mother has bonded with this baby which was a part of her. Her heart, emotions and a piece of her own self feel the loss and pain. However supportive the husband may be, he can never fully understand the depth of her pain.
Men are created for action and purpose and in a crisis situation, they long to 'fix it' or make something happen to help the situation. Infertility or miscarriage are issues there is often nothing to do but depend on God. Women may simply want to talk about their loss and pain, but this often challenges men, since they are uncomfortable opening up to such pain without an avenue of action. By understanding these differences, the healing process can go smoother. Often the woman is simply consumed by the event, it is all she thinks about and may appear to be in a fog. She is emotionally spent, but on top of that, may have some physical issues and some hormonal fluctuation. There needs to be a few days for the woman to simply grieve . To talk, to cry and just rest. When she is ready, the turning point of 'doing the next thing' can be a the first step in healing. However small 'the next thing' may be, moving forward slowly changes the pace of sorrow to a return to normal. Although never forgotten, the pain of the loss lessens as the focus shifts off the pain and onto other blessings. A continual moving forward in God's grace and strength is restoring. Although the loss is never forgotten and will forever be a part of us, healing and comfort can be found which enable us to move forward.
The path to healing is step by step and holding God's hand will bring healing to our pain and heart. His grace is abundant and our greatest comfort comes from Him alone. As that comfort continues to strengthen the heart, the opportunity to minister to another will come. It is then that we can look back at God's faithfulness and see how His hand was upon our life.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. II Corinthians 1:3-4