Monday, October 17, 2011

Marriage Monday - Miscarriages

Marriage is one of the favorite things of mine to write about.  This area is where the Lord has brought me from being raised in a home with a turbulent marriage to perfectly matching me with a husband that through the years, I continue to be amazed at God's grace in blessing of him.  Marriage has stretched me, challenged me and allowed me to see God's faithfulness on a daily basis.

Marriage Monday offers topics for marriage that challenge hearts and minds and cause to search deeply within the heart.  This week's topic is Infertility, Miscarriage or Adoption and the effect that it has on a marriage.  Our marriage has been blessed with three sons, but there was also the struggle of three miscarriages.  These were difficult times to go through, but, with God's faithfulness, and grace, He mended our hearts and strengthened our marriage through this.

It is a known fact that men and women grieve differently.  A woman feels the pain of a miscarriage differently than a man.  However soon after conception, a miscarriage occurs, a mother has bonded with this baby which was a part of her.  Her heart, emotions and a piece of her own self feel the loss and pain.  However supportive the husband may be, he can never fully understand the depth of her pain. 

Men are created for action and purpose and in a crisis situation, they long to 'fix it' or make something happen to help the situation.  Infertility or miscarriage are issues there is often nothing to do but depend on God.  Women may simply want to talk about their loss and pain, but this often challenges men, since they are uncomfortable opening up to such pain without an avenue of action. By understanding these differences, the healing process can go smoother.  Often the woman is simply consumed by the event, it is all she thinks about and may appear to be in a fog.  She is emotionally spent, but on top of that, may have some physical issues and some hormonal fluctuation.  There needs to be a few days for the woman to simply grieve .  To talk, to cry and just rest.  When she is ready, the turning point of 'doing the next thing' can be a the first step in healing.  However small 'the next thing' may be, moving forward slowly changes the pace of sorrow to a return to normal.   Although never forgotten, the pain of the loss lessens as the focus shifts off the pain and onto other blessings. A continual moving forward in God's grace and strength is restoring.  Although the loss is never forgotten and will forever be a part of us, healing and comfort can be found which enable us to move forward.

The path to healing is step by step and holding God's hand will bring healing to our pain and heart.  His grace is abundant and our greatest comfort comes from Him alone. As that comfort continues to strengthen the heart, the opportunity to minister to another will come.  It is then that we can look back at God's faithfulness and see how His hand was upon our life. 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  II Corinthians 1:3-4


  1. Thanks for sharing! It is so true that we grieve in different ways! I wrote about my process just this past Friday!

    Thanks for sharing this! Be blessed!

  2. yes and amen...thanks for sharing...and so true we each grieve differently

    Well I am entering that new season while still running after a five year old...God has a since of humor. Thanks for stopping by my post.

    Great encouraging post.

  3. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. But, as I remind myself, the children we lose on earth go straight to the feet of Jesus, we have created eternal worshippers. However, I still cry...

    When we lost a child to miscarriage I remember telling my husband I didn't expect him to cry like I did, but he also shouldn't expect me to not cry. Because of great insight from others, like you shared above, we were able to have this dialogue early on and were able to heal together in our own way.

  4. My husband and I are still waiting on the Lord anxiously for our children--after 5 years trying and a baby girl in Heaven. It's incredibly difficult at times, but God is The One who sustains us! My husband and I lean on each other for support, and have grown even closer through these times! After all these years, we grieve for our baby Bailey Faith and also rejoice for a "part of us" is in our Father's arms!!! :)


  5. Joyfull, this post is so wise. You are such a measured and careful "speaker," and I know many are blessed by your words.

    Understanding the differences between male and females' emotional make-up is critical to achieving harmony in a marriage--especially during times of grief, like a miscarriage.

    This line is key: Women may simply want to talk about their loss and pain, but this often challenges men, since they are uncomfortable opening up to such pain without an avenue of action. By understanding these differences, the healing process can go smoother.

    Often we wives must teach our husbands these truths. That can be challenging, but it's well worth the effort.

    I hope you have a circle of younger women you are imparting your wisdom to IRL. Your Titus 2 calling is abundantly evident!

    Thanks for linking this post at Chrysalis today.

    Warm hugs, e-Mom ღ

  6. It's true that we grieve in different ways. When I got a miscarriage, I had never expected that my husband would grieve more than I did. But after my miscarriage, we were given another bundle of joy and my husband was never happier than with the coming of this baby. So you're right, let's continue to marvel on God's grace and faithfulness over us.

  7. I agree with e-mom you have beautifully measured words and such insight and grace that I am sure you are used of the Lord in this area - and if not now you will be. Our losses are never for no good reason.

    I had wanted to post a link to Marriage mondays to speak of my own infertility but the birth of 6 puppies in our home has prevented me - oh well maybe another time.

    I have really enjoyed your post.



Thank you for sharing your commment. It is a joy and blessing to hear from you and your words are appreciated.