Great Relationships

Life changes us. As the years go by, our seasons of life change, our outlook changes and our priorities shift. Usually, the older we grow in age the more we value relationships rather than things. When some life has passed and we embrace momentous milestones such as careers, marriage, children, it becomes clear that life is not all about us. That shift in meeting the needs of others brings a beautiful balance of mutual trust and love.  People become important and connections and relationships when nurtured become precious and vital. 

I'm looking to continually improve in the areas of relationships, how to foster them and to grow in being one that gives in order to make others great. When you learn to treat people like you want to be treated, it’s amazing how much better life becomes. One of my favorite mentors on relationships, John Maxwell shares some great relationship principles:

1) We see people through our own lens.

Your self-awareness, self-esteem and self-perception establish the foundation of all your relationships. The way you view yourself and the way you see life shapes how you see and relate to others. Whether you see the cup as half-full or half-empty will transfer every time.

2) People don’t care how much you know, till they know how much you care.

Caring about people isn’t automatic. Not everyone cares. I’m sure you’ve run into people along the way that it’s clear that they just don’t care.

You can’t learn to care, it’s not a skill, but you can decide to care. You can ask God to help you become more caring.

3) Listening from the heart is a game changer.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to anyone is to truly listen. We are often in a hurry, there is so much to do, right? So, when you slow down for a minute or an hour and truly listen, you communicate that you value that person. It can be life-changing for them.

Listening from the heart requires the ability to make a soul level connection. You communicate empathy, interest and a desire to be helpful far more by listening than merely by your words.

4) Believing the best in people usually brings out the best of people.

What you look for you will find. We are all flawed and imperfect, but when someone calls out the best in us, we often rise to that higher standard.

5) Hurting people hurt people.

When the response to a situation is greater than the issue at hand, the real issue is always about something else. The wise leader learns how to get to the real issue.

People who are hurting don’t necessarily want to hurt people, but it’s like a lion with a thorn in his paw, he can’t help it. If we can help people take the thorn out, we can help them live better. In turn, if you are in a relationship with them, your life becomes better too.

6) Admit wrongs and forgive quickly.

Taking responsibility for your actions is core to healthy and productive relationships. If you make a mistake, own it. If you treat someone poorly, ask forgiveness. Getting defensive or blowing up never makes a relationship better. You might be right, but if you need to win, you’ll lose in the long run.

When you are wronged, forgive quickly. You’ll live with less stress and enjoy life more fully.

7) Always give more than you take.

There may be a few people in your life that you think it’s impossible to out give them. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t purpose to be generous anyway.

And with the majority of people you will ever know, you can set your sights to give more than you take. However, this is not about a scorecard. If you keep track, you’ve missed the point. It’s a heart level thing. It’s a way of living, and when your motives are pure, it will bring you great joy.

8) Add value to people.

You can add value to people in simple ways and big ways. Adding value is no more complex than the idea of how you contribute to their life, so their life is better.

It can be as simple as a kind and encouraging word, and it can be as involved as a lifetime of mentoring. Sometimes it involves enough love and courage to have a tough and honest conversation.

The greatest value you can add to anyone is the message of Jesus Christ. The gift of eternal life is the greatest and highest value you can bring to someone.

9) You can never encourage anyone too much.

We both know the answer, but let me ask anyway. Have you ever been encouraged too much by someone? Of course not.

Whether it’s your kids, an employee, volunteers at the church, a co-worker or your neighbor, take the time to give frequent and sincere encouragement. 

10) Trust is the lifeblood of all relationships.

When it comes to a relationship, trust is like a promise. And you should never break a promise.

In fact, that’s the essence of trust. People are counting on you to keep your promises. This reflects your character and ultimately who you are. No reasonable person expects perfection, but they do expect honesty, kindness and doing what you say you’ll do.

Keeping principles like this in front of us give us the guideline and encouragement to help us find great relationships.