Embracing Grace When Mother's Day Is Hard

Guess what? In case you haven't heard, it is Mother's Day week! Many of us are staying away from stores, but even a quick trip for needed supplies demands attention to this special day coming soon. Cards, gifts and flowers are prominently placed. They are so beautiful, brightly colored with flowers and all that loveliness that appeals to us ladies. 

Seeing these displays immediately pull our thoughts to our mom. Hopefully, they bring a smile to our heart. Mother's Day can bring a variety of emotions. Every mother is different, as is every life situation, some are wonderful, but some may have some rough edges that still rub us a little raw. Mother's Day for some is a beautiful celebration, others find it a bit bittersweet. Even on such a day as this, emotions can sneak up on us and threaten to cloud the beauty of the day. 

My dear mother passed away in 2007. Every day, I miss her terribly, miss her phone calls and her being an active part of my daily life. The painful void of her presence is not as devastating as it was in the beginning and each year that passes, I learn to appreciate her legacy more and seek to honor it in my life. But this took a journey from the valley of grief to a place of hope and remembrance.

My mother fell sick early on a Sunday morning. She was taken to a hospital an hour away. My husband had a surgery scheduled for Thursday of that same week. Emotions were everywhere, balanced by needs that demanded attention. Husband's surgery was completed and contact with mom's doctors carried on through the week, but she was not improving. Hubby came home Friday, then it was back to mom's bedside on Saturday where doctors gave the grim news she would not be able to recover. She passed away the next day. 7 days from sickness to passing away. There is never time to prepare a heart for a mother's passing, but this felt like an overwhelming punch to the heart. 

A card arrived in the mail with a simple message - "hope you will find time to grieve". Very thoughtful, but the week she died was a whirlwind. Routine and being busy helped me cope with the pain and loss. Hubby was recovering from surgery and housebound, kids needed to be taken to school, a funeral needed planning. It was the end of the month and financial quarter where work reports were due. Every day there was something that needed to be done. This was also our county fair week where our boys had prepared for months to show an animal. Not many can say they had to plan a funeral around a hog show! But we did, funeral and comfort with family during the day, then the boys hog show that night...time to grieve - not right now. 

The days moved on at a steady pace as we adjusted to live without Mom. At night, usually exhausted, I would read to our youngest son before bed. In those still, precious moments, he would gently ask "where is Granny at?" How could an explosion of tears come through a question from an innocent child?  It brought me face to face with grief and the realization that grief was the path to  healing. Grief is the painful emotion of sorrow caused by the loss or impending loss of anyone or anything that has deep meaning for you.  Grief is a natural response to loss. Grief is a journey that must be walked through. Fighting grief is like treading water. It may feel like we can barely keep our head up as it would be so easy to drown in sorrow. Grief may be delayed, but cannot be denied. We will walk through the valley of the shadow of death. But, we have hope because God will carry us through the darkness.  Grief is painful, leaves us weak and helpless, it is scary, but must be done.  Grief has a purpose. It purges and cleanses our soul so we can heal properly. We go THROUGH this time of grieving to be able to laugh and dance again. There is a season to grieve followed by a season to remember and rejoice in a life that is always alive in our heart. 

The words in the card - 'hope you will find time to grieve' were wise words. Now, I can embrace Mother's Day as a day of thankfulness in the midst of missing mom, I can thank God for her life, her influence and her legacy. As a mother, there are some of her ways I want to carry on, some I want to leave behind, but she is so much a part of me, in my heart and in all I do. 

The journey of grief eventually brings us full circle. Grief and loss brings us to peace, comfort and a greater understanding of loving others and leaving a legacy. We can grieve with hope and an eye to a better future. So, this Mother's Day, whatever emotion it brings for you, may it be one of hope and blessing. Brighter days can be ahead, gratitude can change a heart and legacy can be a beautiful thing.