Love, Loss and Life

With October being National Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month, I posted about our first miscarriage.  Physically the recovery went very well and we began to heal emotionally as well.  Since it was such a shocking experience following 2 healthy babies, we still felt a little stunned.  

A few years later, we again rejoiced at a positive pregnancy test.  Instead of instant joy, the looming reminder of the first loss came quickly back.  Before we were able to see a doctor, I began spotting again.  Filled with fear and dread, we went to the emergency room. The nurse assigned to me was a friend and told me about a wonderful doctor which could see me later at the hospital. Back then, they didn't do ultrasounds to gauge if the pregnancy was healthy, but did blood tests and exams and then it was some agonizing waiting. 

Dr. G. came in later in the evening. He was a large, gentle man, filled with compassion and kindness.  He said everything looked good, but we had to wait on blood tests to know for sure. I was sent home to 'wait and see' what would happen.  The next day, severe cramping began and as instructed, we called the doctor back.  He knew my first miscarriage had occurred naturally, but due to the pain I was in, encouraged me to come in for a d&c procedure. The blood tests revealed I was miscarrying, so we did the procedure and came back home.

Physical recovery was quick, but emotionally it took a while.  Daily life continued on, but my heart was stuck in sadness. Loss was deeply felt and I mourned for the sweet babies I had lost. 

Time continued on and I purposed to focus on the blessings God had given me, my dear family, friends, church and life. Everything seemed back to normal, but there is always a place in my heart where loss is felt.  The babies that were formed and carried only for a short time will stay forever with me, but there is a time to move forward and love and pour into those around me.  Grief has it's place in our lives, but it is not a place to live.  Sunshine will come again through the clouds.  Time eases pain and allows us to refocus and begin a different normal in life.